Wiser

Yes, I know that Christmas is over... give me a moment & I will explain the tree, or at least the ornaments on the tree, which really have very little to do with Christmas & everything to do with the year that led up to it. So if you are cringing at the thought of reading a post about the holiday now that it is over, you are safe. If it seems odd that I am incredibly apologetic right out of the gate, let's blame it on my best friend who has spent years corralling my Christmas spirit into the weeks between Thanksgiving & actual Christmas. It cannot be discussed or even alluded to indirectly before or after the aforementioned time frame or you will pay for it with in the very least, a noticeable eye roll & in the worst-case-scenario a torrent of profanity. So please consider this first paragraph to be my "this is not a Christmas post" disclaimer.

We have a household tradition that involves buying an ornament to remind us of important events that happened over the last year. For instance, the year we adopted the boys we purchased a flying pig ornament for obvious reasons. Some years the ornament is very straightforward- in 2009 it was a house... because we bought a house. In the bottom left corner of the photo you can see the "our first Christmas together" heart. 

Some years the ornaments don't really mean anything to anyone but us. The "I didn't feel the need to apologize or wring my hands when someone called me an artist this year" paint-filled palette is just above the heart. We picked out that ornament the year I actually started to remember that I really did (& still do) want to be an artist when I grow up. I still smile when I put it on the tree each year as I think of all the art from the last year & what is hopefully to come in the next year.

On the right side of the photo you see the "My name is Ron Burgundy & I am not homeless, I am your cat & you just don't realize it yet" cat ornament. He really is a clear example of the law of attraction- from his perspective, not ours. He was so convinced that he was supposed to be our cat that he would run in the door when we opened it to bring in groceries & then stroll around as if we wouldn't notice that we suddenly had 2 cats instead of one. Can't you just imagine him sitting around outside somewhere thinking "they are my family... that is my house... they are my family... that is my house..." This plan clearly worked for him (see here, here & here) because he's had his own Christmas ornament, food bowl & electric blanket ever since.

This year we purchased the sassy hot pink owl in the middle. We picked out an owl because we feel a little wiser than we did this time last year. (before any of you plan to point out to me how NOT wise I am when I post the next "Confessions of a New Parent" you can save it. I freely admit that my lack of parenting skills will be providing you with a sense of "at least I'm a better parent than she is" for years to come.) Regardless of my parenting challenges, we learned a lot this year & unfortunately learned a good bit of it the hard way.

We learned the importance of surrounding yourself with kind people. This is a bit of a given with regard to friendship but this year we realized just how important it is to work with & for kind people. I'm fortunate to have been in a really good professional environment at both of the "grown up" jobs I have had, but everyone isn't so lucky. Sometimes people tell you what you want to hear & then show you down the road who they really are... & when this happens in a professional environment it is especially difficult because most of us are not in a position to just walk away. No potential amount of money is worth spending a third of your life with someone you can't trust or someone who isn't kind or honest. Speaking of honesty...

I learned the importance of taking care of myself & how many people really have no understanding of depression. It still doesn't seem real to me that Robin Williams is gone, but the thing I found almost as shocking as his death was the question I kept hearing from people. "What did he have to be sad about?" Before I continue, it is important for you to understand that I am not any sort of expert on the topic of depression, I am just talking about my experiences & conversations I have shared with friends. Depression is not the same thing as sadness, although the words have been used interchangeably often enough that it seems to make sense to many people to use them that way. 

You don't have to have a "reason" to be depressed- you don't have to have a specific event in your life that you can point to & say "that is why I am depressed" although that certainly can happen. Maybe this is why it can be difficult for some to understand that many of us are just predisposed to depression. I know this because I fall into that "predisposed" category. This is normally more information than I am comfortable sharing, but if it helps one person it was more than worth it. 

To be very clear, I have NEVER experienced depression to a depth of someone who is even considering causing them self harm. I have never even experienced depression to the point that I couldn't get out of bed, but I do know what it is like to not remember the last time I laughed, or really even smiled genuinely. I know what it feels like to be unable to look forward to anything without worrying that something terrible will happen to prevent it. I know what it is like to have no appetite & no energy & to feel like everything takes 10 times the effort to just get by. I know what it feels like to experience all of these things & not have a "thing" to be "sad" about. 

It has only happened to me twice in my life that it lasted long enough for me to feel like I needed to be medicated for a while- other times when it has happened for really brief periods I just refer to it as "the black cloud" to close friends. (I used to just call it "the cloud" but no more. Thanks a lot, Apple. When I am already feeling down, having to say that extra syllable is just what I need.) The few times it has happened there wasn't really a specific event that caused it, although I'm certain the last time it was exacerbated by the first "lesson" I mentioned in this post. The whole point of me sharing this is to hopefully make it easier for you to find someone to talk to if you feel depressed or maybe for you to have a little more compassion if someone comes to you to talk. 

The third "big" thing I learned this year is that I am a little braver than I thought. Sometime around my 40th birthday in October I decided to sign up for a 3 day art sale that would occur a few weeks before Christmas. It may not seem like much to you, but it was a very big deal to me & I am proud of myself for doing it. The sale went really well & it actually felt good to try something new.

2014 was definitely a year of learning some things the hard way, although I have to admit (grudgingly) that it was worth the pain or discomfort or stretching of my comfort zone to learn all of these lessons. It is just a lot easier to see now that it is over. Hopefully, as a result of all of this, I will be a kinder, more caring & braver person... & maybe even a little wiser.

Telling myself I told you so

This is the Cox Creative Center- one of my favorite places in Little Rock. It's downtown & sits at the other end of the parking lot from the main library, sorta like a quirky relative... it's brightly colored & you can't ever really know what to expect when you get there. It's full of used books, art, handmade jewelry & lovely things like that. There's a cute little cafe called 'Bookends' and a nice patio where you can read & eat. When I go to the library I always try to make sure I have time to go to the other end of the parking lot to check on the quirky relative.

This is the main library. See how serious it looks? Not too long ago, I was walking dutifully from the library down the sidewalk in the middle of the parking lot to the Cox Creative Center when I saw the BEST thing: someone had knitted an outfit for the little concrete bench, complete with a little knitted rosette thingy- it seriously looked like the bench was wearing a rather stylish hat. The trash can was also festooned in some brightly-colored attire. (festooned- love that word & don't get to use it often enough.) There was even a sash with little knitted flags hanging in the tree. I wanted to take a photo to show you, because I knew you would love it like I did. (I loved it so much I applauded, all by myself in the middle of the parking lot.) But I was in a rush... and didn't have my "good" camera with me, so I decided to come back later to take the photo.

A few days later, I returned to find a naked park bench, trash can & tree. I could have kicked myself... why didn't I just snap a photo with the iphone? Now you all won't get to see what a concrete bench looks like wearing a hat. Lesson learned. I hope you will take my word for it, because it was cool.

2011 Lessons Learned

Just a short list of things I believe in at the end of 2011...


I believe that everything you give, you will get back. (I don't mean that the ugly vase you re-gifted will come back to you, although that might also be true.) I'm talking about the things we "give" without thinking... whether it is love & encouragement or a nasty attitude & a bad cold, it's all coming back- sometimes sooner than we think.


I believe a good night of sleep can't be replaced with the consumption of copious amounts of caffeine, although I also believe in coffee. Just not as a replacement for sleep.


I believe I can actually trust my inner voice. Now that we are on speaking terms.


I believe you should always remember where you came from, even if it is only so you can see how far you've come.


Finally, I believe that there is always "enough" in my life. Maybe just barely, but there is enough. Enough time, enough patience, enough cream for that coffee, enough tears, enough money, enough laughter & most important of all, enough love.


And that last one make me feel more than enough gratitude. 

Lessons learned in 2010: cheerleaders & belly button fuzz coasters

For most of my adult life, I didn’t show anyone anything I made. I didn’t sign things. My face turned red & I started stammering if anyone referred to me as an artist. My initial efforts to develop this part of myself were to help ‘Out of the Woods’ by selling pet portraits & donating part of the money I made to help rescue homeless animals. I really didn’t expect much. I certainly didn’t expect to be shipping art to people I have never met who live halfway across the country.

As with every chance we take and every big change we make in our lives, hopefully there will be people who will be positive and supportive and non-judgmental. People who help you believe that you really can accomplish anything, and without even sounding like cheerleaders just point out matter-of-factly that yes… you can paint the cat. You SHOULD paint the cat.

I am lucky enough to have a few very special people who have encouraged every new idea that has popped into my creative little head over the last 2 years. People who I firmly believe would cheer for me if I fashioned a set of coasters from belly button fuzz… not because they want a set, but because they recognize that making things makes me happier that I ever could have imagined. It makes me, well… me. You know who you are, and I thank you.

Unfortunately, for every encouraging person you find, you will likely find as many who are quite the opposite. People who question or openly criticize your efforts or your projects… individuals who roll their eyes when you refer to yourself as an artist, or a singer, or a circus performer, or whatever it is that makes you happy. Constant negativity can easily become a habit, especially for people who are unhappy with their own lives. Especially if they find other people for whom negativity has become a habit. Don’t take it personally, but don’t subject yourself to it anymore than you have to.

This year I learned to purposefully surround myself with as many as I could of the former and as few as possible of the latter. In 2011 I wish the same for you.

Lessons learned in 2010: Lesson 3

Most of my creative life developed when I was happy- the level of inspiration I felt seemed to be firmly tied to mood & life circumstances. I genuinely believed that I had to be in a “certain mood” to do something artistic. There was also this idea that I could absolutely not, under any circumstances be creative when I was sad, or stressed out or having a bad day. So in addition to necessitating some imaginary “creative mood”, there was also an entire list of negative emotions that had to be absent in order to be creative. No wonder I didn’t make anything for so long… looking back on it, it appears that I set myself up in some sort of self-imposed creative exile.

At some point over the last year I realized that my creativity is actually something that I can always fall back on to make myself feel better. If things aren’t going my way, I want more than anything to be in the studio, making something. I’m not saying what I make on a bad day will turn into anything other than a crumpled up scrap of paper on the floor, but for the most part it feels good to engage in the process… which is really the point, isn’t it?



Lessons learned in 2010: Lesson 2

'A Creative Companion' by SARK

The second lesson I learned this year is one that I’ll be reminding myself of forever. It is important not only to my creative life, but life in the ‘real world’ as well. I have to learn to enjoy the process & understand that with everything there is a learning curve. Some are just a bit steeper than others. If I were to mention this to my mother, she would quite smugly report that I have been this way my whole life. If I try something new & do not figure it out very quickly, I become extremely frustrated.

More than 15 years ago, I changed my major from art to psychology when I was halfway through the upper-level classes in college. I had the opportunity to take 3 drawing classes, 3 design classes, printmaking, ceramics, technical skills for the designer, computer graphics & 1 painting class. I also took a painting class at the Arkansas Art Center a couple of years ago. What this means is that I know just enough about most art supplies to be dangerous. I attribute part of this problem to my life-long issue with expecting a first effort at anything to go well (even though it often doesn’t). I also attribute a bit of it to changing my major just when I was getting to the fun stuff & part of it to my poor memory.

I understand that there are completely self-taught artists who have never had an organized art class & who can pick up a new medium & learn it patiently. I am in awe of them & hope to be like them when I grow up.

Some of the new-to-me-mediums & products I worked with in 2010 include air-dry clay, gel mediums for mixed media projects, metal tape & alcohol ink.

This year I learned that the only way I will discover anything new (art-wise & otherwise) will be to enjoy the process, or at least accept that there will be a learning curve.

Lessons learned in 2010: Lesson 1

As the year comes to a close I wanted to share a few lessons I’ve learned about my creative life.

Lesson #1 concerns my newest creative venture- the blog. It’s been up & running about 6 months & I really enjoy it. It’s definitely a way to hold myself accountable- if I write that I am going to do something here, I better complete it- if I don’t, I get a text message from a cousin. True story. Honestly, I’m just more likely to accomplish a goal if I have stated it publicly, which I believe is not a trait specific to me- it’s human nature. If you want to be more likely to do something, tell someone your goal & your plan to get there. Maybe you have someone who will text/email/call you & check on your progress as well.

The most important lesson I learned regarding the blog is this: I get extremely busy around the holidays with pet portraits & should have ‘Feature Art Friday’ posts ready ahead of time. I can’t post anything from the studio this time of year because the art is a gift for someone who may or may not read my blog or be a facebook follower. I should also take more ‘in-progress’ photos of the pet portraits as they are painted, people seem to like to see them.

In 2011, the year will start off with ‘Feature Art Friday’ posts including the art painted this holiday season. Hopefully I’ll keep ahead of it throughout the year & won’t be panic-stricken in the fall when I realize that I can’t post from the studio without ruining someone’s Christmas present.

There will be additional ‘Lessons Learned’ posts over the next couple of weeks with topics including creative inspiration, trying new mediums & supportive friends.