Monday, November 19, 2012

What to expect

The flash cards are the closest I have come to making art over the last couple of weeks. Oddly, I am okay with this. Not forever, but for now. Priority number one has been getting three little boys on a schedule so that they can know what to expect, which is especially important if you have been shuffled to 7 or 8 schools in your short little life. If you have lived with different families with different rules. Knowing what to expect is important, but also confusing. Yes- you read it correctly. If you are used to moving and changing and being told one thing while another thing happens, and suddenly that stops... it is confusing.

After a little while, it will become something comfortable, this knowing what to expect. It will become something to reach for. Life feels a little less "out of control" when you know that you get a bedtime story every night. You know your clothes are clean and in the drawers. You know who will wake you in the morning and how you are getting to school. You start anticipating things and appearing to be very pleased with yourself because you knew what to expect. We are having moments of this pleased-with-yourself business and I love the slow smile that comes along with it. We also have moments of not-very-pretty-angry-at-the-world mutiny, but let's not focus on that... let's just think of the smiles for now.

At the conclusion of the days of trying to follow through with absolutely every word that has come from my mouth, I am still too mentally exhausted to paint... although this won't always be the case. But for now, I'll stick to the flash cards. Because there is a six-year-old expecting them.

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