Friday, November 30, 2012

An emotion sandwich

Over the last month I have felt more emotion than at any other point in my 38 years. Just ask anyone who has spent more than an hour with me early on in the adoption process; I developed this strange habit of randomly bursting into tears without warning... in the middle of laughter, standing in line at the post office, or on the phone with a stranger. It is an odd thing to feel so many different overly intense emotions all at the same time about the same thing. Happiness. Excitement. Nervousness. Fear. But more of each emotion than ever seemed possible. Emotion sandwich anyone?

It has been both the best & the hardest thing. We are finding our way, one day at a time... sometimes one moment at a time. Slowly but surely inching towards some sort of new normal. 

On Saturday, something happened that made me feel a little more like myself. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I realized that there was some sort of peace that had fallen on our home. Everyone was okay. For the first time in two weeks I could feel that everyone was, even temporarily, feeling the first bits of acceptance about this new normal. So I sat down at the table & picked up a paint brush for the first time in a month... and then I started to feel normal too.

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